dddivafandomcom-20200214-history
Transcript:The Magic Bullet
JANE See that aspiring model there? That was me, Deb, until the day I died. I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up... and I woke up in someone else's body.So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant. I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Fred. I used to think everything happened for a reason... and, well, I sure hope I was right. * Don't ask me how I'm doin' if you don't wanna know * * I stayed up too late, woke up late * * Oh, you know how it goes * * Give off the vibe that everything's fine * * As long as you, long as you don't look in my eyes * * It's all going just so perfectly wrong * * Hey, hey, hey, what can I say? * * It's just one of those, one of those days * 19 00:01:09,383 --> 00:01:12,685 * Hey, hey, hey, what can I say? * 20 00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:15,248 * It's just one of those... * Somebody's shooting! - What are you doing? - Vacuuming. But you don't vacuum or dust or unload the dishwasher. - Well, who paid all the rent last month? - Never mind. I have been up for an hour. I want details about last night. Tell me everything! Stacy, what happened on your date with Fred? What are you talking about? I saw you kiss him. I saw you leave with him. And I was up very, very late, and I did not hear you come home. Details-- spill them. - Who's Fred? - Oh, no. - Stacy, please don't do this again. - What am I doing? If last night didn't go well, then you can't just pretend he doesn't exist... like you did with Tim and Marco. I didn't act like they didn't exist. I just stopped calling them back or referring to them by name. Look, Fred's... different from those guys. And I work with him. And if you break his little heart... - I'm gonna have to pick up the pieces. - I haven't broken anyone's heart. - Are you okay? - Fine. If you don't want to tell me about Fred, then I'm not going to tell you... about my dinner with Grayson. You had dinner with Grayson?! - Aah! - Shut up! Okay, he came over right after you left. Crazy. And it was just like old times. Except without the touching nor the kissing nor the sex. Mm-hmm. True. But he talked all about Deb. And then right around dessert, I told him. - You did not! - No. I really wanted to, though. Ah, dinner with Grayson. See, that you could have gotten me out of bed for. You could have pounded on my door and dragged me out of bed for that. Oh, no! I have a motor-oil-commercial audition, and I still have to find the perfect bikini. Ugh. You can use a bikini to sell anything. I know. Yay, America, right? Tonight, I want every detail about your dinner a la Grayson. As long as you tell me about Fred. Quid pro quo. Um, that's lawyer for you tell me about your dinner, I'll tell you about mine. Stacy! - Have you seen Fred? - Who? Working bankers' hours, Jane? - Bitch said what? - What? 65 00:03:27,201 --> 00:03:29,875 - I didn't say anything. - Black over black. Nice. 66 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:33,426 - Are we attending a ritual sacrifice? - Only if it's yours. 67 00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:36,308 Staff meeting. You are planning on joining us? 68 00:03:36,309 --> 00:03:38,109 Ugh. She makes me cranky. 69 00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:41,009 I hate those meetings. Everyone talking-- It's like... 70 00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:44,521 "Blah, blah. I'm a lawyer, and I'm a lawyer. And blah, blah lawyer." 71 00:03:44,522 --> 00:03:46,851 Uh, well, you're gonna be late for the "blah, blah". 72 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:51,950 You have a new client in your office. She showed up this morning and told Parker she wanted you. 73 00:03:51,951 --> 00:03:52,782 Oh! 74 00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:59,095 I read about your success with the Lucy Tyner case-- 75 00:03:59,224 --> 00:04:02,174 The waitress who was fired for being plus-sized. 76 00:04:03,195 --> 00:04:06,586 - Oh, did the same thing happen to you? - Me? No. 77 00:04:06,793 --> 00:04:09,013 No, this is about my daughter Hannah. 78 00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:14,496 She's been on this diet, "The Jillian Ford EZ Thin Plan". 79 00:04:14,497 --> 00:04:18,619 Oh, yeah, I've seen the ads. "Get thin and stay thin." 80 00:04:18,995 --> 00:04:22,748 Well, if it doesn't work, um... ooh, we could sue for false advertising. 81 00:04:22,749 --> 00:04:25,975 No, actually, it does work. It works too well. 82 00:04:26,425 --> 00:04:28,172 I don't understand. 83 00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:32,620 Hannah was miserable in school. She- she hated how she looked. 84 00:04:32,668 --> 00:04:36,214 And so she read about this diet on the internet-- 85 00:04:36,215 --> 00:04:37,444 Jillian Ford. 86 00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:40,499 She begged me to get her the 12-month plan. 87 00:04:40,837 --> 00:04:44,012 So, she lost weight... fast... 88 00:04:44,378 --> 00:04:45,617 Too fast. 89 00:04:46,049 --> 00:04:48,899 Well, if you want her to stop losing weight... 90 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,842 um, my advice is pie. 91 00:04:51,039 --> 00:04:53,396 Bake her a pie. Everybody loves pie. 92 00:04:53,481 --> 00:04:55,581 Ms. Bingum, a couple weeks ago... 93 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,820 Hannah felt light-headed. 94 00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:03,455 And last Wednesday, she fainted in class. 95 00:05:03,943 --> 00:05:06,516 She was in the hospital overnight. 96 00:05:07,004 --> 00:05:12,006 And now the doctor's saying that there's something wrong with her heart. 97 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,018 She has arrhythmia. 98 00:05:15,497 --> 00:05:18,452 She didn't have that before this diet. 99 00:05:18,863 --> 00:05:19,783 Oh. 100 00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:24,208 - I'm-- I'm sorry. - I mean, I can't force her to eat, right? 101 00:05:24,209 --> 00:05:26,822 I mean, to Hannah, I'm already the wicked witch... 102 00:05:26,823 --> 00:05:29,480 and Jillian Ford is some fairy godmother. 103 00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:34,292 Before I cut off the internet, she was getting daily supportive e-mails from Jillian... 104 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:38,652 you know, "Way to go. Keep it off." You know, all part of the service. 105 00:05:38,653 --> 00:05:42,312 Well, if this diet is as dangerous as you say it is, then there should be warnings. 106 00:05:42,313 --> 00:05:44,291 Yeah, well, there aren't. 107 00:05:46,465 --> 00:05:49,170 Okay, uh, onto a little housekeeping. 108 00:05:49,171 --> 00:05:52,899 People, we're living in tough economic times. Let's watch those expense reports. 109 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:56,351 Not every client needs to eat at Mozza. 110 00:05:59,122 --> 00:06:00,606 Excuse me. Meeting. 111 00:06:00,607 --> 00:06:02,807 Yeah, I'm looking for Kim Kaswell. 112 00:06:02,878 --> 00:06:04,128 Oh, right here. 113 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:07,083 If that's from Prada, you can just have my assistant put it in my office. 114 00:06:07,084 --> 00:06:08,284 Ms. Kaswell... 115 00:06:08,595 --> 00:06:10,276 you've been served. 116 00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:13,747 Is this a joke? 117 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:17,409 For a moment there, I thought he was gonna strip. 118 00:06:17,616 --> 00:06:20,372 My former assistant Adam is suing me... 119 00:06:20,936 --> 00:06:23,065 for sexual harassment. 120 00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:25,600 The firm, too. 121 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:34,195 Okay. This just became a very different meeting. 122 00:06:34,196 --> 00:06:35,652 Sorry I'm late. 123 00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:39,153 Oh, Kim, did that UPS guy find you? 124 00:06:40,352 --> 00:06:41,976 What'd I miss? 125 00:07:00,473 --> 00:07:02,011 Go away. 126 00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:06,621 Okay, what is the point of knocking if you're just gonna barge right in? 127 00:07:06,622 --> 00:07:09,287 Hannah, don't be rude. This is Ms. Bingum. 128 00:07:09,288 --> 00:07:12,974 She is the lawyer who's going to help us with our case. 129 00:07:13,828 --> 00:07:17,014 Put the phone away. You're going to talk to her. 130 00:07:20,154 --> 00:07:23,875 That's a really cool phone. Did you bedazzle it yourself? 131 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:27,053 So why did my mom pick you, to make a point? 132 00:07:27,289 --> 00:07:28,960 - What point? - You know... 133 00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:31,875 that big is beautiful or something like that? 134 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,311 That's harsh. Am I making fun of your Zac Efron posters? 135 00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:38,950 I'm sorry. That was mean. 136 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,822 I just don't feel that great. 137 00:07:40,823 --> 00:07:42,418 - You hungry? - Duh. 138 00:07:42,419 --> 00:07:44,504 My mom stole all of my EZ Thin bars. 139 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:47,011 And that was after she blocked the website from our computer... 140 00:07:47,012 --> 00:07:49,025 as if I don't have any friends that have internet. 141 00:07:49,026 --> 00:07:51,661 Well, it looks like you have got lunch sitting right there. 142 00:07:51,662 --> 00:07:54,167 I already had my 500 calories for the day. 143 00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:55,885 500 calories? 144 00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:59,719 Yikes. That's like four crackers and a raisin. 145 00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:02,284 You sound like my mom. 146 00:08:03,207 --> 00:08:06,070 Look, Jillian is the real deal. 147 00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:10,212 You know, she was heavier than me-- Well, the old me. 148 00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:14,043 And she took charge of her life, and that's what I'm doing. 149 00:08:14,384 --> 00:08:15,219 Hmm. 150 00:08:16,824 --> 00:08:19,002 You see that dress over there? 151 00:08:19,256 --> 00:08:20,693 Oh, cute. 152 00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:22,647 I know. It's perfect. 153 00:08:23,528 --> 00:08:28,671 I bought it when I was 6 sizes bigger, and now I'm wearing it to a dance. 154 00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:30,866 I totally get it. 155 00:08:31,037 --> 00:08:33,531 Here's the problem-- You keep this up... 156 00:08:33,532 --> 00:08:36,852 they're gonna have to hold that dance in the hospital. 157 00:08:36,946 --> 00:08:39,070 You don't know what you're talking about. 158 00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:42,335 Hannah, you're starving yourself. 159 00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:46,786 Your mother hired me to sue Jillian Ford. And if this goes to court... 160 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,828 I'd want you to testify. 161 00:08:52,026 --> 00:08:53,359 Absolutely. 162 00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:55,594 You know what I'll say? 163 00:08:55,782 --> 00:09:00,351 Before I went on the Jillian diet, nobody ever talked to me. 164 00:09:01,253 --> 00:09:05,265 And then I dropped 40 pounds, and I got friends. 165 00:09:06,157 --> 00:09:10,326 I can shop at forever 21, and guys like me. 166 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,172 My whole life changed. 167 00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:16,548 - What about your heart arrhythmia? - I'm fine. 168 00:09:16,632 --> 00:09:20,990 - Your mother doesn't think so. - Listen, my mom is happy... 169 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,264 Being the way she is. 170 00:09:24,987 --> 00:09:27,191 I wasn't, and... 171 00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:30,318 I did something about it. 172 00:09:32,665 --> 00:09:37,539 "During the firm Christmas party, Ms. Kaswell cornered Adam Bay in her office... 173 00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:41,307 "and forced him to watch as she ate chocolate cake... 174 00:09:41,308 --> 00:09:44,284 in a heightened and lascivious sexual manner." 175 00:09:44,285 --> 00:09:46,734 - It does not say that. - I couldn't make that up. 176 00:09:46,735 --> 00:09:49,437 The guy sounds crazy. He's just out to humiliate you. 177 00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:52,601 - Yeah, well, mission accomplished. - "Ms. Kaswell then locked her office door... 178 00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:54,629 "and tried to kiss Adam Bay. 179 00:09:54,714 --> 00:09:57,564 Adam Bay resisted and was fired the next day." 180 00:09:57,565 --> 00:10:00,262 The only thing he got right is that I fired him. The kid was inept. 181 00:10:00,263 --> 00:10:02,246 He couldn't work an electric stapler. 182 00:10:02,247 --> 00:10:03,047 Noted. 183 00:10:03,048 --> 00:10:04,468 This is a nuisance suit. 184 00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:07,012 Disgruntled employee gets the ax and tries to get even. 185 00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:09,615 That's right. If we settle with him, we'll just encourage more of these. 186 00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:12,451 I agree. That said, his attorney sent this over. 187 00:10:12,452 --> 00:10:13,392 What is it? 188 00:10:13,393 --> 00:10:17,116 Allegedly, Adam captured your encounter on his cellphone video. 189 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,210 - What? - You mind? 190 00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,111 Whatever. 191 00:10:23,995 --> 00:10:26,784 Oh, look at you. 192 00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:29,763 Mmm. I've been waiting for this all night. 193 00:10:29,764 --> 00:10:31,810 Come to mama. 194 00:10:32,139 --> 00:10:33,368 Mmm. 195 00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:36,817 Mmm. 196 00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:39,530 Okay, so this isn't... 197 00:10:41,465 --> 00:10:42,488 great. 198 00:10:42,573 --> 00:10:44,995 Oh, God, you're so beautiful. 199 00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:47,061 Seriously? It's cake. 200 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:50,161 Look, I work really hard to stay fit. And when I do indulge... 201 00:10:50,162 --> 00:10:54,071 in a piece of chocolate cake every now and then, I enjoy it. 202 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,169 - Sue me. - That's what he's doing. 203 00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:59,151 I'm gonna call Adam's attorney and schedule a settlement conference. 204 00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:02,208 I'd like you both there. There will be coffee. 205 00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:03,484 No cake. 206 00:11:08,678 --> 00:11:11,403 Ooh! You look fergalicious! 207 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,695 I haven't been in a bikini in a week. 208 00:11:13,696 --> 00:11:16,982 - Oh, I have to lose, like, three major pounds. - Please don't make me kill you. 209 00:11:16,983 --> 00:11:19,789 I'm still waiting for the rest of the Grayson story. 210 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:23,591 There's not much more to tell. I chickened out and didn't tell him I was Deb. 211 00:11:23,592 --> 00:11:25,731 But I really wanted to. 212 00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:30,899 So, invite him to another dinner, open a couple bottles of wine, and spill. 213 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,645 - I can't. - Why not? 214 00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:36,153 Because of Fred. I promised him I wouldn't tell. 215 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:40,465 Okay, I don't want to hear any more about this make-believe Fred person. 216 00:11:40,672 --> 00:11:44,207 Sweetie, did you sign up for the Jillian Ford diet? 217 00:11:44,508 --> 00:11:46,882 - Let's do it together! - No. I didn't. 218 00:11:46,883 --> 00:11:48,333 I'm suing Ms. Ford. 219 00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:51,829 What? Why? Models swear by her diet. 220 00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:54,262 Kecia Long-- she does all those lingerie spreads-- 221 00:11:54,263 --> 00:11:57,051 She goes on Jillian Ford every year after the holidays... 222 00:11:57,052 --> 00:11:59,250 and loses, like, 20 pounds in 2 weeks. 223 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:03,467 Wait, isn't Kecia the one who tried to get us to eat nothing but maple syrup for a month? 224 00:12:03,468 --> 00:12:06,653 - What happened to her? - Um, I think her colon exploded. 225 00:12:06,654 --> 00:12:07,677 Mm-hmm. 226 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:11,553 Jillian's diet is making my client's daughter really sick. 227 00:12:11,554 --> 00:12:14,078 I had these EZ Thin bars analyzed by a lab. 228 00:12:14,079 --> 00:12:16,010 Ooh. Look at you all "CSI". 229 00:12:16,011 --> 00:12:20,005 You know what's in them? Caffeine, guarine, and ephedrine. 230 00:12:20,108 --> 00:12:22,050 Is that last one from "Dreamgirls"? 231 00:12:22,051 --> 00:12:25,976 That's basically speed disguised as nutritional supplements. 232 00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:26,965 Yeah. 233 00:12:27,244 --> 00:12:28,755 But does it work? 234 00:12:28,887 --> 00:12:32,092 No, no, no, no. We do not eat the evidence. 235 00:12:32,411 --> 00:12:33,772 Good luck! 236 00:12:44,087 --> 00:12:48,227 "Jane, turns out I broke, like, 62 rules when I kissed Stacy... 237 00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:51,369 "and I've been transferred back to the home office. 238 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:53,733 "I'd ask you to tell her it was worth it, but... 239 00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,902 "she won't know what you're talking about. 240 00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:59,521 "When I left, all memories of me were erased except yours. 241 00:12:59,522 --> 00:13:01,211 "Rules are rules. 242 00:13:01,305 --> 00:13:03,164 "Take care of yourself, Jane. 243 00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:06,055 "I'm still looking out for you, just from higher up. 244 00:13:06,056 --> 00:13:07,868 Best, Fred." 245 00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:16,950 We're asking for an injunction shutting down the program... 246 00:13:16,951 --> 00:13:19,148 and a settlement large enough to send a message. 247 00:13:19,149 --> 00:13:20,499 - Great. - Yeah. 248 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,593 - Oh, my God! That's her! - Hannah! 249 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,753 Hi! I'm Hannah Porter. 250 00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:27,723 - Hello. You're the girl who's-- - Oh, it was my mom's idea. 251 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:31,355 - I think you're awesome. - Oh. Thank you, darling. 252 00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:33,459 Wow. Very cold hands. 253 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,449 Nice to meet you. Stay away from my daughter. 254 00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:36,445 Mom! 255 00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,796 Excuse me. 256 00:13:38,579 --> 00:13:41,273 It doesn't seem like your client is terribly invested. 257 00:13:41,274 --> 00:13:43,893 Perhaps we could settle this lawsuit for, uh... 258 00:13:43,894 --> 00:13:45,444 an autographed photo. 259 00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:47,169 My client is 15... 260 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,784 and she doesn't need role models teaching her how to starve herself. 261 00:13:50,785 --> 00:13:54,368 Counsel, you know better than to directly engage my client. 262 00:13:54,462 --> 00:13:56,935 I approached her. I did. 263 00:13:57,427 --> 00:14:01,422 Listen, bringing this to trial will cost a lot of time and money. 264 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,999 Ms. Ford, we're more than happy to avoid court... 265 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:08,011 as soon as you bring your products up to FDA standards and post warning labels. 266 00:14:08,012 --> 00:14:10,795 Are you kidding? Ms. Bingum, I use these products myself... 267 00:14:10,796 --> 00:14:14,219 and I am, by far, the healthiest person in this conversation. 268 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:19,309 Besides, who would buy a diet program with warning labels? 269 00:14:19,535 --> 00:14:21,855 Well, say hello to the point. 270 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,657 - We will see you in court. - Can't wait. 271 00:14:37,735 --> 00:14:38,606 What? 272 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:40,757 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 273 00:14:40,758 --> 00:14:43,544 - You were about to. - You're right. 274 00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:46,609 I wanted to say that we're all behind you. 275 00:14:46,682 --> 00:14:50,350 Don't worry. It's gonna be a piece of cake. 276 00:14:52,673 --> 00:14:55,371 Adam Bay is in the conference room. If you'd rather stay out here-- 277 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,687 No, no, no, no. I want to see that little cockroach face-to-face. 278 00:14:58,688 --> 00:14:59,683 Okay. 279 00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:02,921 Just try not to strangle him 'cause there will be witnesses. 280 00:15:02,922 --> 00:15:04,288 No promises. 281 00:15:04,289 --> 00:15:06,800 Let Parker do the talking. This will all be over soon. 282 00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:08,881 Fine. I won't say a word. 283 00:15:09,172 --> 00:15:12,134 $200,000? Are you out of your mind?! 284 00:15:12,135 --> 00:15:14,384 - It does seem a little high. - Yeah, and so do they. 285 00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:18,164 - You're right. She does have temper. - She can't control herself. That's why I'm here. 286 00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:19,675 - You son of a bitch. - Kim. 287 00:15:19,676 --> 00:15:22,295 Adam was traumatized by his experience... 288 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,739 and has been unable to find work in the legal profession. 289 00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:28,470 Seems to me your client is lying his ass off, which makes him perfect for the legal profession. 290 00:15:28,471 --> 00:15:31,653 Kim, let's try and keep this constructive. 291 00:15:32,374 --> 00:15:34,073 You have our number. 292 00:15:36,048 --> 00:15:38,376 24 hours, or we go to a jury. 293 00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:39,709 Adam. 294 00:15:42,713 --> 00:15:43,841 Ugh! 295 00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:46,444 - She'll take a lot less. - I didn't do anything. 296 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,876 I understand that, but a jury might not. 297 00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:51,188 And if you lose at trial, I can't keep you at the firm. 298 00:15:51,189 --> 00:15:54,368 Your reputation becomes a liability, and my insurance company won't allow it. 299 00:15:54,369 --> 00:15:56,923 I don't care. Let's go to trial. I'll represent myself if I have to. 300 00:15:56,924 --> 00:15:59,950 You don't have to do that. I'll represent Kim. 301 00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:02,307 Employment law was my focus at Pearson. 302 00:16:02,308 --> 00:16:04,059 Parker, please. 303 00:16:05,566 --> 00:16:07,275 We can beat this. 304 00:16:08,686 --> 00:16:09,625 Okay. 305 00:16:10,051 --> 00:16:14,893 But know that her career with us is effectively over if you don't. 306 00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:28,478 Hey, I meant to thank you for that dinner the other night. 307 00:16:28,479 --> 00:16:31,464 Oh. Of course. It's my pleasure. 308 00:16:32,193 --> 00:16:35,188 - English muffin? - Um, sure. 309 00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:37,920 So we should have dinner again sometime. 310 00:16:37,921 --> 00:16:41,684 Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Uh, how about tonight? 311 00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:44,032 - Oh, I can't. - Oh, yeah, me neither. 312 00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:47,786 - But you just said-- - No, I just meant... metaphorically. 313 00:16:48,159 --> 00:16:51,414 - You're busy? - Drowning. Kim's harassment case. 314 00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:54,591 - How'd you get roped into that? - I offered. 315 00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:58,148 Everyone needs someone in their corner. It's why we went to law school, right? 316 00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,635 Absolutely. All four years. 317 00:17:01,172 --> 00:17:02,516 Three years. 318 00:17:02,798 --> 00:17:04,659 Right. Yeah. No, I know. 319 00:17:04,743 --> 00:17:07,917 It's just that the first year seems like two. 320 00:17:08,524 --> 00:17:11,576 Um, Kim's really lucky to have you. 321 00:17:11,577 --> 00:17:13,857 So, after the case, we should grab that dinner. 322 00:17:13,858 --> 00:17:16,609 Great. I'll make pumpkin ravioli. 323 00:17:17,026 --> 00:17:18,867 I love pumpkin ravioli. 324 00:17:19,292 --> 00:17:20,845 I can't wait. 325 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:30,851 - I got your file from H.R. - That's pretty thick. 326 00:17:30,852 --> 00:17:33,865 It looks like you've been through quite a few assistants. 327 00:17:33,866 --> 00:17:34,866 I'm picky. 328 00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:37,236 Some of those assistants only lasted a couple of weeks. 329 00:17:37,237 --> 00:17:40,107 - One guy quit after lunch, day one. - So? 330 00:17:40,257 --> 00:17:42,507 Look, I'm not judging. I'm asking. 331 00:17:42,515 --> 00:17:46,529 Are you asking if my assistants keep leaving because I sexually harass them? 332 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:51,171 Kim, you know harassment suits get ugly. We need to be prepared for anything. 333 00:17:51,473 --> 00:17:52,976 You're right. Let's keep going. 334 00:17:52,977 --> 00:17:55,056 - We still need character witnesses. - I'm working on it. 335 00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,132 Are you in touch with any of your old assistants? 336 00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:58,972 Why would I keep in touch with people I fire? 337 00:17:58,973 --> 00:18:00,323 - Kim. - Look... 338 00:18:00,324 --> 00:18:02,614 if you're gonna defend me, you need to know a few things. 339 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,370 I'm not warm. I'm not fuzzy. 340 00:18:04,371 --> 00:18:08,190 I don't remember children's names or birthdays or if your parents are visiting. 341 00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:10,495 I do my job. If you want a character witness... 342 00:18:10,496 --> 00:18:12,897 go talk to the guy who owns the deli on the first floor. 343 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:16,363 I buy my coffee from him every day, and he finds me perfectly delightful. 344 00:18:16,364 --> 00:18:19,740 I have to get back to work. Excuse me. 345 00:18:21,216 --> 00:18:25,668 Hannah fainted in Spanish class, and the school called me in. 346 00:18:26,025 --> 00:18:28,232 And I raced her to the doctor. 347 00:18:28,495 --> 00:18:31,584 And he said she was fainting because of her diet. 348 00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:33,898 The Jillian Ford diet. 349 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:38,757 Jillian Ford instructs her clients to eat no more than 500 calories a day. 350 00:18:39,245 --> 00:18:42,383 Doctors have a name for this diet. They call it starvation. 351 00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:44,871 Objection. The witness is not a medical expert. 352 00:18:44,872 --> 00:18:48,086 The witness isn't a moron either. Hey, guess what-- 353 00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:51,254 You don't have to go to medical school to know that if you don't eat, you starve. 354 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,821 Sustained. Jury will disregard. 355 00:18:56,154 --> 00:18:58,511 What about the supplements that Jillian Ford sells? 356 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:01,103 According to Hannah's doctor, they're not supplements at all. 357 00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:03,942 There's no fatty acids, no fiber. 358 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,840 The doctor believes that these pills contributed to her arrhythmia. 359 00:19:07,841 --> 00:19:11,221 She may not have liked how she looked before, but... 360 00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:13,005 she was healthy. 361 00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:15,785 Thank you, Claire. 362 00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:19,738 - A teenager can be a lot of work. - Yes, they can. 363 00:19:19,739 --> 00:19:23,524 And parents don't always have control over everything their children do. 364 00:19:23,525 --> 00:19:25,186 No, they don't. 365 00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:28,559 Hannah lost a lot of weight very quickly. 366 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,155 Is it possible that she ignored instructions... 367 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:35,599 ate too little, and overdosed on the supplements? 368 00:19:35,824 --> 00:19:38,533 - It's possible. - Without you knowing? 369 00:19:38,702 --> 00:19:42,319 Well, I don't know what she's doing every second of the day. 370 00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:43,549 I see. 371 00:19:43,774 --> 00:19:48,511 If- if Hannah was flunking out of school because she watched too much TV... 372 00:19:48,512 --> 00:19:50,493 would you sue the network? 373 00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:51,719 Of course not. 374 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,310 You'd act like a parent and turn off the television. 375 00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:56,601 - And you're a good mother. - I believe so. 376 00:19:56,602 --> 00:20:00,868 Who paid for the Jillian Ford diet plan for Hannah? 377 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,225 - I did. - Really? 378 00:20:03,659 --> 00:20:06,241 You pulled out your credit card... 379 00:20:06,423 --> 00:20:08,743 and bought Hannah something you believe damaged her heart. 380 00:20:08,744 --> 00:20:10,583 No, it's not like that. She was very unhappy. 381 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,193 It seems to me that either you're not such a good mother... 382 00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:15,720 or you're wrong about the Jillian Ford diet. Which is it? 383 00:20:15,721 --> 00:20:18,052 Objection! Disrespectful. 384 00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:21,182 You know, maybe your mother didn't do such a good job. 385 00:20:21,183 --> 00:20:22,487 Withdrawn. 386 00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:24,880 No more questions. 387 00:20:30,174 --> 00:20:31,169 Teri... 388 00:20:31,395 --> 00:20:34,049 you've been an assistant for a while, right? 389 00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:37,524 Dude, are we really gonna have a "what color is your parachute?" moment? 390 00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:39,232 Everyone's got their own path. 391 00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:41,035 No, what I mean is... 392 00:20:41,036 --> 00:20:44,932 you must have a lot of friends in the whole... assistant-paralegal network. 393 00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:47,679 Well, I don't want to brag, but my twitter feed is through the roof. 394 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,369 Do you think maybe you could track down someone who worked for Kim... 395 00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:52,763 and has something positive to say? 396 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,417 - Why would I do that? - Listen, I know you're not best friends... 397 00:20:56,418 --> 00:20:59,797 with her, but do you really think Kim harassed Adam? 398 00:20:59,798 --> 00:21:02,006 No. Tormented, maybe. 399 00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:05,004 Harassed? She's too smart for that. 400 00:21:05,192 --> 00:21:08,309 This lawsuit's a career killer. She may not show it... 401 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,155 but Kim's terrified. 402 00:21:10,259 --> 00:21:12,323 I guess I could make some calls... 403 00:21:12,324 --> 00:21:14,744 maybe hit a couple happy hours after work. 404 00:21:14,745 --> 00:21:16,882 There is no one chattier than a drunk assistant. 405 00:21:16,883 --> 00:21:17,871 Thank you. 406 00:21:17,872 --> 00:21:22,633 Oh, I'm gonna need some money for expenses. Okay if I bill your client? 407 00:21:25,187 --> 00:21:29,128 Adam Bay vs. Kim Kaswell and Harrison & Parker, LLP. 408 00:21:29,129 --> 00:21:31,176 I'm ready to hear witnesses. 409 00:21:31,786 --> 00:21:34,049 I don't think I'll be able to forget the incident. 410 00:21:34,050 --> 00:21:36,915 It wasn't an incident. It was an office Christmas party. 411 00:21:36,916 --> 00:21:40,546 There was an open bar, and I was having a great time. 412 00:21:40,547 --> 00:21:42,611 I was swamped with end-of-the-year paperwork... 413 00:21:42,612 --> 00:21:44,745 but I decided to take a break... 414 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,182 make an appearance, and grab a slice of cake. 415 00:21:47,183 --> 00:21:49,590 Ms. Kaswell invited me back to her office. 416 00:21:49,591 --> 00:21:53,012 I- I figured she just wanted me to do some work. 417 00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:56,888 - But then she shut the door. - He followed me back to my office. 418 00:21:56,889 --> 00:21:59,033 - I never shut the door. - But I couldn't say no. 419 00:21:59,034 --> 00:22:01,287 She's a senior associate. 420 00:22:01,981 --> 00:22:04,028 I didn't think anyone would believe me. 421 00:22:04,029 --> 00:22:08,009 That's when I took out my cellphone and hit record. 422 00:22:08,010 --> 00:22:10,321 What kind of person records their boss? 423 00:22:10,322 --> 00:22:12,416 He's the one who should be on trial, not me. 424 00:22:12,417 --> 00:22:15,158 I can't get a job. I can't sleep. 425 00:22:15,487 --> 00:22:19,008 My doctor said I have post-traumatic stress. 426 00:22:19,009 --> 00:22:21,957 The only thing being stressed is the truth. 427 00:22:21,958 --> 00:22:24,270 He was an incompetent employee. 428 00:22:24,411 --> 00:22:25,898 As a liar, not so bad. 429 00:22:25,899 --> 00:22:29,581 Ms. Kaswell, isn't it true that you worked as a professor's assistant... 430 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:32,051 during your final year of law school? 431 00:22:32,154 --> 00:22:32,954 I did. 432 00:22:32,955 --> 00:22:34,877 And was Robert Burns one of your students? 433 00:22:34,878 --> 00:22:36,943 Objection. This name never came up in discovery. 434 00:22:36,944 --> 00:22:39,723 Your honor, we obtained this information immediately prior to court today. 435 00:22:39,724 --> 00:22:41,620 It better be relevant. 436 00:22:42,258 --> 00:22:43,253 It is. 437 00:22:44,455 --> 00:22:46,708 Was Robert Burns your student? 438 00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:50,144 - I suppose. - You suppose. 439 00:22:53,187 --> 00:22:56,844 I think you'd remember the name of a student who sued you for sexual harassment. 440 00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:57,660 Objection! 441 00:22:57,661 --> 00:23:00,176 - Did you sleep with your student, Ms. Kaswell? - Your honor! 442 00:23:00,177 --> 00:23:02,542 Sustained. Shut it down, counsel. 443 00:23:02,730 --> 00:23:04,758 Jury will disregard. 444 00:23:08,469 --> 00:23:10,693 Hey, is it okay if I leave early tonight? 445 00:23:10,694 --> 00:23:13,887 Grayson asked me to try and find someone with something nice to say about Kim... 446 00:23:13,888 --> 00:23:16,606 - and it is a long drive to hell. - That case isn't over yet? 447 00:23:16,607 --> 00:23:20,605 What's the rush? I thought you'd want Kim's humiliation to be long and drawn out. 448 00:23:20,606 --> 00:23:21,957 Or maybe that's just me. 449 00:23:21,958 --> 00:23:24,508 I need Grayson to focus on something else. 450 00:23:24,509 --> 00:23:25,485 Like? 451 00:23:26,311 --> 00:23:28,499 Nothing. Never mind. 452 00:23:29,387 --> 00:23:33,206 Oh, the defense just faxed over a new witness list for the Jillian Ford ca-- 453 00:23:33,207 --> 00:23:36,051 Oh, you are gonna want to see this. 454 00:23:36,128 --> 00:23:38,841 - He can't call me! - I'm plaintiff's counsel! 455 00:23:38,842 --> 00:23:41,263 Ms. Bingum has information relevant to our defense... 456 00:23:41,264 --> 00:23:44,472 - and she is on our witness list. - I just got that 10 minutes ago. 457 00:23:44,473 --> 00:23:47,476 - 10 minutes is still notice. - This is highly irregular, Mr. Hunter. 458 00:23:47,477 --> 00:23:49,063 I acknowledge that, your honor. 459 00:23:49,064 --> 00:23:51,897 And if you believe we've wasted the court's time, hold me in contempt. 460 00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:54,844 Don't think I won't. But for now, I'm curious. 461 00:23:54,845 --> 00:23:56,994 You have your witness and a very short leash. 462 00:23:56,995 --> 00:24:02,292 - Your honor, you're not really going to-- - Ms. Bingum, consider yourself sworn in. 463 00:24:03,165 --> 00:24:05,508 You've been on a number of different diets, haven't you? 464 00:24:05,509 --> 00:24:09,675 - Objection. None of his business. - Overruled. Answer the question. 465 00:24:10,651 --> 00:24:11,806 Probably. 466 00:24:11,890 --> 00:24:14,967 Have you ever used my client's weight-loss system? 467 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,092 That's a stupid question. Of course not. 468 00:24:18,383 --> 00:24:21,294 So before this trial began, you weren't a big fan... 469 00:24:21,295 --> 00:24:24,499 of the Jillian Ford EZ Thin diet plan? 470 00:24:26,152 --> 00:24:29,970 Two words. "No", and "way". 471 00:24:31,484 --> 00:24:33,219 Care to explain this? 472 00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:35,388 I've tried other diets. Nothing worked. 473 00:24:35,389 --> 00:24:38,458 But after 10 days of being on the Jillian Ford EZ Thin plan... 474 00:24:38,459 --> 00:24:39,959 I've lost 15 pounds! 475 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,104 All I can say is, thank you, Jillian Ford. 476 00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:45,829 I took it off, and I can't wait to keep it off! 477 00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:56,386 I mean, how could you not tell me that you were on her diet? 478 00:24:56,396 --> 00:24:59,454 Okay, this is exactly what they want-- To sway your confidence in me. 479 00:24:59,455 --> 00:25:01,817 - Well, it worked. - Claire, like I told the judge... 480 00:25:01,818 --> 00:25:04,802 I honestly don't remember being on that diet. 481 00:25:04,905 --> 00:25:08,579 I've been on so many, I guess. I don't know! 482 00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,911 - You believe me, right? - I don't have much choice. 483 00:25:13,024 --> 00:25:17,379 I have to get back to Hannah. She's not feeling well, and she is furious at me for all this. 484 00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:21,696 I cannot believe that Jillian Ford has more credibility with my daughter than I do. 485 00:25:21,697 --> 00:25:23,776 We're going to fix that. 486 00:25:26,587 --> 00:25:29,290 Why didn't you tell me I was on her diet? 487 00:25:29,291 --> 00:25:32,951 Whoa. Now it's my fault? I can't keep up with your diet of the month. 488 00:25:32,952 --> 00:25:34,256 You're right. 489 00:25:34,622 --> 00:25:38,098 I wonder why I didn't stick with EZ Thin. Do you think it made me sick? 490 00:25:38,099 --> 00:25:41,299 - Maybe you should ask your doctor. - Ooh, good idea. 491 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:42,804 - Wait. - What? 492 00:25:42,805 --> 00:25:44,401 Who's my doctor? 493 00:25:47,574 --> 00:25:50,222 So... how's the gym working out? 494 00:25:50,664 --> 00:25:51,960 The gym? 495 00:25:52,353 --> 00:25:56,405 At your last physical, you promised me 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week. 496 00:25:56,406 --> 00:25:58,398 Oh. It's fine. 497 00:25:58,952 --> 00:26:02,923 Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the Jillian Ford diet. 498 00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,552 Please tell me you are not thinking about doing that again. 499 00:26:07,553 --> 00:26:10,829 Well, it kind of worked the first time, didn't it? 500 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,793 Selective memory, huh? Tell yourself whatever you want. 501 00:26:16,027 --> 00:26:19,792 It worked... for three weeks, Jane, and then it didn't. 502 00:26:19,793 --> 00:26:21,748 Because I didn't have the discipline. 503 00:26:21,749 --> 00:26:23,964 Why do you always do that to yourself? 504 00:26:23,965 --> 00:26:25,241 Do what? 505 00:26:26,749 --> 00:26:29,143 It had nothing to do with willpower. 506 00:26:29,284 --> 00:26:33,496 Your body could only starve itself for three weeks. 507 00:26:34,078 --> 00:26:37,560 But hundreds of people posted their success stories on her website. 508 00:26:37,561 --> 00:26:41,388 Oh. Yes. And have you seen many of them lately? 509 00:26:41,510 --> 00:26:46,020 Because my guess would be that their success was as short-lived as yours. 510 00:26:47,110 --> 00:26:50,949 This is like when you came to me with the idea about gastric bypass. 511 00:26:50,950 --> 00:26:56,056 - I was gonna have weight-loss surgery? - I wouldn't even give you a brochure. 512 00:26:56,263 --> 00:26:58,365 Well, everything looks good. 513 00:26:58,366 --> 00:27:02,609 Your blood pressure's a little high. You anxious about something? 514 00:27:02,703 --> 00:27:03,670 No. 515 00:27:04,949 --> 00:27:06,489 Well, a little. 516 00:27:06,490 --> 00:27:09,524 It's-- there's something going on at work. 517 00:27:09,525 --> 00:27:12,408 Something or, um, someone? 518 00:27:13,779 --> 00:27:16,023 You're a good doctor. 519 00:27:16,646 --> 00:27:18,984 It's... someone... 520 00:27:18,985 --> 00:27:22,224 I've been meaning to tell something to. 521 00:27:22,843 --> 00:27:25,428 Well, my advice, as a medical professional... 522 00:27:25,429 --> 00:27:29,296 is, um, the sooner you do it, the sooner you'll feel better. 523 00:27:29,297 --> 00:27:32,053 - Thanks. - See you next time, Jane. 524 00:27:39,846 --> 00:27:42,776 Here you go. Two pitchers of the imported stuff. 525 00:27:42,777 --> 00:27:45,377 Keep the tab open. I'll be back. 526 00:27:45,482 --> 00:27:46,835 Hey, guys. 527 00:27:47,236 --> 00:27:49,461 Any room at the Mishop & MacKenzie table? 528 00:27:49,462 --> 00:27:50,841 Drinks are on me. 529 00:27:50,842 --> 00:27:53,628 - What's the occasion? - Kim Kaswell's harassment trial. 530 00:27:53,629 --> 00:27:55,630 We've been drinking to that all night. 531 00:27:55,631 --> 00:28:00,058 So here's a question. Anyone interested in testifying on her behalf? 532 00:28:02,772 --> 00:28:06,162 Do you know if the guys from Melveny are here? 533 00:28:09,702 --> 00:28:11,936 I should have told you about Robert Burns. I just-- 534 00:28:11,937 --> 00:28:14,673 How am I supposed to defend you when you keep bombshells like that from me? 535 00:28:14,674 --> 00:28:16,569 - I didn't think it was-- - Relevant? 536 00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:19,862 - You mean you were hoping it wouldn't come up. - I didn't do anything wrong. 537 00:28:19,863 --> 00:28:23,620 This kid didn't like the "C" I gave him and decided to get back at me by filing a complaint. 538 00:28:23,621 --> 00:28:25,221 The school cleared me. 539 00:28:25,222 --> 00:28:29,074 They just settled with him anyway to avoid the publicity. 540 00:28:29,628 --> 00:28:32,464 God, why does this keep happening to me? 541 00:28:33,250 --> 00:28:34,714 - What? - Nothing. 542 00:28:34,715 --> 00:28:36,478 No, I want to hear this. 543 00:28:36,628 --> 00:28:38,870 I've seen you use a pout or a smile to get what you want. 544 00:28:38,871 --> 00:28:41,865 Yeah, it's called normal human behavior. I'm not gonna make excuses for who I am. 545 00:28:41,866 --> 00:28:45,357 I'm just saying you're perceived in a certain way. People will take advantage of that. 546 00:28:45,358 --> 00:28:49,814 Do you believe me... about Adam and Robert Burns? 547 00:28:51,351 --> 00:28:52,431 I do. 548 00:28:53,965 --> 00:28:55,768 But I'm not the jury. 549 00:28:58,934 --> 00:29:00,859 Here's what's gonna happen. 550 00:29:00,943 --> 00:29:03,650 In a few minutes, your phone will ring. 551 00:29:04,165 --> 00:29:07,357 Parker will ask you to come up to his office by yourself. 552 00:29:07,358 --> 00:29:09,808 He'll demand that you settle the case. 553 00:29:09,809 --> 00:29:11,331 Please don't. 554 00:29:12,124 --> 00:29:15,786 Otherwise, I might as well just admit that I'm guilty. 555 00:29:16,162 --> 00:29:17,542 And I'm not. 556 00:29:33,010 --> 00:29:35,291 - Rough night? - You could say. 557 00:29:35,489 --> 00:29:39,857 I've never had less fun getting drunk on someone else's credit card. 558 00:29:40,482 --> 00:29:42,200 Maybe I can help. 559 00:29:42,855 --> 00:29:45,061 Are you trying to flirt with me? 560 00:29:45,183 --> 00:29:46,697 You want me to? 561 00:29:46,979 --> 00:29:49,993 Answering a question with a question-- You sound like a lawyer. 562 00:29:49,994 --> 00:29:53,257 I am. Well, I was, briefly... 563 00:29:53,529 --> 00:29:56,641 until I figured out how much I hate swimming with the sharks. 564 00:29:56,642 --> 00:29:59,533 So I bailed, got a job managing this place. 565 00:29:59,664 --> 00:30:02,819 - You ever work with Kim Kaswell? - No. 566 00:30:03,345 --> 00:30:05,392 Yeah. That'd be too easy. 567 00:30:05,563 --> 00:30:07,694 But I did work with Adam Bay. 568 00:30:07,919 --> 00:30:09,522 You have been eavesdropping. 569 00:30:09,523 --> 00:30:12,368 You're not exactly subtle or quiet. 570 00:30:13,049 --> 00:30:15,997 It's guys like Adam that are the reason why I'm tending bar. 571 00:30:15,998 --> 00:30:18,476 That entire lawsuit is so B.S. 572 00:30:18,608 --> 00:30:21,134 Really? Care to say that in court? 573 00:30:21,663 --> 00:30:24,593 I'm kind of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy. 574 00:30:24,968 --> 00:30:27,368 You know what? Let me call you a cab. 575 00:30:27,464 --> 00:30:30,931 I'll tell you a good story while we wait. 576 00:30:36,484 --> 00:30:38,343 Internet backgammon? 577 00:30:39,563 --> 00:30:42,804 - How'd you know? - Lucky guess. 578 00:30:43,104 --> 00:30:44,812 What are you still doing here? 579 00:30:44,813 --> 00:30:48,120 I have hours of phone calls to make looking for unhappy dieters. 580 00:30:48,121 --> 00:30:51,775 - Are there any other kind? - Good point. 581 00:30:52,501 --> 00:30:57,426 - I heard you had a rocky day in court. - Got rockier when we got back. 582 00:30:58,471 --> 00:31:01,054 Parker called me upstairs. Told me we had to settle. 583 00:31:01,055 --> 00:31:03,701 But I don't think I can do that to Kim. 584 00:31:03,702 --> 00:31:05,697 If we settle, it kills her career. 585 00:31:05,698 --> 00:31:08,822 And if you don't, Parker thinks you're being insubordinate. 586 00:31:08,823 --> 00:31:09,939 Yeah. 587 00:31:11,799 --> 00:31:14,014 Any other client, there'd be no question. 588 00:31:14,015 --> 00:31:17,985 I'd do what he says. But this is Kim. It's different. 589 00:31:18,154 --> 00:31:22,149 'Cause she's a colleague and we work with her? 590 00:31:22,150 --> 00:31:23,793 That's part of it. 591 00:31:24,199 --> 00:31:26,105 There's something else? 592 00:31:26,189 --> 00:31:29,159 Ever since Deb died, I feel like... 593 00:31:30,253 --> 00:31:33,726 I don't know, like she's not really gone. And I keep... 594 00:31:34,336 --> 00:31:38,121 looking for her in other women. And every now and then... 595 00:31:39,551 --> 00:31:41,758 I see something in Kim. 596 00:31:43,247 --> 00:31:46,148 Wait. Before you say anything else, I have something to tell you. 597 00:31:46,149 --> 00:31:47,200 What? 598 00:31:47,201 --> 00:31:50,597 You don't have to look anymore. Deb's here. 599 00:31:52,588 --> 00:31:53,798 I'm Deb. 600 00:31:53,929 --> 00:31:56,314 No, I was on my way to "The Price is Right" audition... 601 00:31:56,315 --> 00:32:00,398 and that's when I got hit by the truck. And up in heaven, I pressed this button... 602 00:32:00,399 --> 00:32:02,791 and they sent me back in this body. 603 00:32:02,792 --> 00:32:05,764 And I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. 604 00:32:06,401 --> 00:32:08,439 Grayson, do you even remember that morning? 605 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,974 Remember? You complimented my knees. 606 00:32:10,975 --> 00:32:14,229 And you found my nail polish... 607 00:32:14,902 --> 00:32:18,529 and you-- you kissed me goodbye. 608 00:32:21,363 --> 00:32:23,386 - Deb? - Yes. 609 00:32:31,416 --> 00:32:32,355 What? 610 00:32:33,256 --> 00:32:34,298 What? 611 00:32:34,608 --> 00:32:37,559 You wanted to tell me something. 612 00:32:38,515 --> 00:32:39,680 Yeah. 613 00:32:42,034 --> 00:32:43,687 Knock, knock. 614 00:32:43,819 --> 00:32:48,462 It took me three happy hours and two last calls, Mr. Kent, sir. 615 00:32:48,463 --> 00:32:51,728 But I am now suitably happy, and soon you will be, too. 616 00:32:51,729 --> 00:32:54,976 Your client is gonna want to buy me an insanely expensive gift. 617 00:32:54,977 --> 00:32:57,677 I'm gonna e-mail her a list of suggestions. 618 00:32:57,678 --> 00:32:58,733 Okay. 619 00:33:00,966 --> 00:33:02,590 I don't believe it. 620 00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:06,736 I guess I'll go check on Teri. 621 00:33:14,470 --> 00:33:16,768 All I can say is, thank you, Jillian Ford. 622 00:33:16,769 --> 00:33:19,904 I took it off, and I can't wait to keep it off! 623 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:26,599 - What's wrong? - The motor-oil commercial. 624 00:33:26,702 --> 00:33:29,837 - You didn't get it? - Oh, no. I got it. 625 00:33:30,404 --> 00:33:34,494 But then the advertising guy told me I had to lose five pounds by Tuesday. I told him I would if he would. And then I didn't get it. Well, good for you. I hope your week is going better than mine. I don't know. I spent all night interviewing former Jillian Ford clients. And I read all the testimonials online... people who tried her diet a year ago or two years ago. Guess how many were able to keep the weight off. Two. - But your client Hannah did. - Yeah, and it put her in the hospital. 636 00:34:00,434 --> 00:34:03,000 - What about Jillian Ford? - Yeah, she's the other one. 637 00:34:03,001 --> 00:34:05,086 But I think she's a liar. 638 00:34:05,227 --> 00:34:07,490 You mean maybe she was never fat? 639 00:34:07,491 --> 00:34:09,891 No. Look, there's all these pictures. 640 00:34:09,959 --> 00:34:13,637 Wow. She lost 110 pounds? 641 00:34:13,937 --> 00:34:16,397 She lost Jessica Alba in six months. 642 00:34:16,491 --> 00:34:19,241 I think she's lying about how she lost it... 643 00:34:19,242 --> 00:34:21,074 and how she kept it off. 644 00:34:21,196 --> 00:34:24,133 I went to my doctor yesterday-- Well, Jane's doctor-- 645 00:34:24,134 --> 00:34:28,311 And, apparently, I asked about gastric-bypass surgery. 646 00:34:28,418 --> 00:34:30,691 - Really? - Don't get any ideas. 647 00:34:30,692 --> 00:34:33,789 I'd have to gain a Jessica Alba to even qualify. 648 00:34:33,902 --> 00:34:37,597 Do you think Jillian Ford had gastric-bypass surgery? 649 00:34:37,598 --> 00:34:39,448 It makes sense, doesn't it? 650 00:34:39,566 --> 00:34:42,821 She has the surgery to stay thin but tells the world she lost the weight... 651 00:34:42,822 --> 00:34:44,294 through some crazy diet... 652 00:34:44,295 --> 00:34:47,070 and then she sits back and watches the money roll in... 653 00:34:47,071 --> 00:34:50,021 because people are desperate for a magic bullet. 654 00:34:50,022 --> 00:34:52,598 Jane, you're a genius. 655 00:34:52,992 --> 00:34:55,858 Well, not yet. I still have to prove it. 656 00:34:57,203 --> 00:35:00,282 I've noticed that you've been wearing a shawl all week. 657 00:35:00,283 --> 00:35:03,659 - Are you a little chilly, Ms. Ford? - There's a draft. 658 00:35:03,847 --> 00:35:05,720 It's 75 degrees in here. 659 00:35:06,228 --> 00:35:09,025 - And it's stuffy, isn't it? - Your honor. 660 00:35:09,138 --> 00:35:11,247 Move it along, Ms. Bingum. 661 00:35:12,490 --> 00:35:13,890 What's this? 662 00:35:14,102 --> 00:35:18,452 That is an EZ Thin supplement bar. It is a critical staple to my diet plan. 663 00:35:18,583 --> 00:35:21,961 So, your regimen calls for you, or anyone on the diet... 664 00:35:21,962 --> 00:35:24,217 to eat three of these a day, is that right? 665 00:35:24,218 --> 00:35:25,639 That is correct. Yes. 666 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,184 Well, it is about noon, which means you are due for your midday bar. 667 00:35:30,297 --> 00:35:33,662 - Would you do me a solid and eat that? - Excuse me? 668 00:35:33,663 --> 00:35:36,264 Oh, go ahead. Take a big bite. They're tasty. I've tried them. 669 00:35:36,265 --> 00:35:39,787 Your honor, Ms. Ford is here to testify, not to eat a snack. 670 00:35:39,788 --> 00:35:43,715 The issue isn't that she won't eat it-- The issue is that she can't eat it. 671 00:35:43,716 --> 00:35:46,254 Your honor, counsel is giving new meaning to the word "stunt". 672 00:35:46,264 --> 00:35:49,375 Oh, like putting me on the stand didn't do that already. 673 00:35:49,376 --> 00:35:52,871 - Pot, meet kettle! - Overruled. Proceed, Ms. Bingum. 674 00:35:53,838 --> 00:35:55,134 Ms. Ford... 675 00:35:55,451 --> 00:35:59,057 Can you or can you not eat one of your own EZ Thin bars? 676 00:36:02,616 --> 00:36:04,676 At the moment, I cannot. 677 00:36:05,249 --> 00:36:08,895 Is that because the second ingredient listed on the package is sucrose... 678 00:36:08,896 --> 00:36:12,970 and your body can't tolerate sucrose, like anyone else who underwent gastric-bypass surgery? 679 00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:13,824 Objection! And isn't that why you are wearing a heavy shawl in a warm courtroom-- A little cold-sensitive since the surgery? It's another common side effect. - Your honor, are you not going to do anything? - Not on your life. I want to hear the answer. Isn't it true that you had gastric-bypass surgery... and that's how you lost all that weight? It is not a crime. No, it's not. But your diet plan is. And when you pawn it off... on susceptible young women like Hannah Porter, that's fraud. Your honor, does counsel have a question? Oh, I have a question. What is the matter with you? Well, I see you've come to your senses. - Where do I sign? - All in good time, son. Just a few things to go over first. Adam, this is from your deposition. Can you read the highlighted part? Yeah. Whatever. As long as I get my check. "She ate the cake in a lascivious manner and ordered me to make out with her." - Those your exact words? - Yes. That's what I said. Great. Ooh, just a second. Sorry. I gave you the wrong deposition. This is Roger O'Malley's deposition. Who is Roger O'Malley? Parker, what's going on? Honest mistake. Those depositions look awfully similar. You know Roger, don't you? No. Really? Roger O'Malley. Sued his boss after a cake-eating incident... and the case quietly settled for a lot of money. - Sound familiar? - Who was his lawyer? Oh, yeah, the guy you worked for before Kim. You saw my associate here eat a piece of cake... and thought, why not take a shot yourself? - What's this? - Your case will be dismissed... and we never want to see your face again. Sign it. Need a pen, Adam? Sign. I understand the jury has reached a verdict. In the matter of Claire Porter vs. Jillian Ford Enterprises... we find for the plaintiff... and award actual damages in the amount of $75,000... and punitive damages in the amount of $100,000. n addition, I'm issuing an injunction... shutting down the Jillian Ford website, effective immediately. We're adjourned. - You did it. - We did it. Thank you. Excuse me. - Mom. - Yeah? I'm sorry. Oh, Hannah. - I just wanted to look-- - I know. And Jillian made it seem so easy. I know. I just-- I don't want to lose you. - You want to go get some lunch? - Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. And then we can go shopping with all that money that we just won. Yeah. No, that's for college. - Mom. - Hannah. Good try. Hey. Hey! You came back. And you're not Fred. - Who's Fred? - He was... the old mailroom guy. I just started today. Is there anything I can help you with? No. I just... wanted to tell him that I won. Congratulations. Big win today. Thanks. And, uh, your doctor called. She was just checking in. She wanted to know if you got that thing off your chest. - Is it something gross? - No. And I am going to deal with it... right now. Okay. Good night. - I did thank you, didn't I? - You did. You also need to thank Teri. I got it covered-- A suite at the mirage... and front-row seats to thunder from down under. Ooh. But this is for you. When I won my first case, Parker gave it to me... told me I couldn't open it until I became partner. Kim... I can't accept this. My career would be over if it weren't for you. Thanks for being in my corner. You're welcome. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 transcripts